The Problem With Lying
We are told that lying is wrong ever since we could barely form memories as kids by our parents, relatives or respectable adults in our lives.
But ironically enough, we have occasionally caught these preachers on telling lies from small things such as lying about the origin of the gift they brought or about bigger things.
Regardless, it’s a silent question that we all had in our minds or at least when we were kids. If lying was so morally wrong then why do we see adults doing them time and time again?
If we compare this to other forms of moral wrongdoings we were taught as children, whether that’s getting into fights, arguing or blaming others for our mistakes, we suddenly were judged harshly for it. We also never saw adults doing these wrongdoings as often as lying either.
So why does lying get preferential treatment in the hierarchy of wrongdoings and a pass for doing it in most circumstances.
Is it morally acceptable to many because everyone does it so no one wants to call it since it’s considered “beneficial” or there’s a deeper reasoning behind it?
The common sense answer we all know and society tells us secretly is that, the consequences of lying are negligible and it barely affects others. This is not true.
Depth of lying
While people are familiar with lying, it’s often the case that they don’t understand the deeper forms of lying. It is possible to lie even when you “technically” didn’t lie.
The lying we see in real life or movies is lying within the boundaries of language. Language is complicated. There are situations where you didn’t lie through language but a deviation from truth nonetheless.
For example, your friend was thirsty and wanted to drink. You can say that you bought a bottle to drink which made your friend assume it’s a water bottle but what you brought was an alcoholic drink.
It is technically, no doubt, a bottle so from a perspective of language, no lying was committed but from a perspective of truth, you did lie since it’s a deviation from what you know your friend assumed.
Though, this example is very lenient since the falsehood is immediately discovered the moment your friend sees what type of drink is. Compared to other scenarios, this is a rather fortunate case.
That being said, however, this can obviously occur intentionally or unintentionally but regardless, when you lie from the truth, you are in a grey area. It’s not something to be said, it’s something you feel when you say it.
You feel as though you are avoiding landmines by conveniently manipulating certain keywords or leaving to their interpretation hoping they don’t catch it. At least, that’s how I felt.
The fundamental essence of lying is falsifying the interpretation of reality. It turns from stating the facts and truths as they exist to interpreting reality according to your needs and incentives.
As a result, you see things from tinted glasses. As for what color the glasses are, it depends on your specific incentives you want to play out but the point being, distorting reality won’t help you. Forget helping, you should be glad that you didn’t sabotage yourself.
Interpreting reality as we see fit means that we distort the problem so much that an answer cannot be formed because we don’t know the question anymore.
For example, if you didn’t know one plus one is two so you distort the question then how can you ever solve the question? The answer would always be elsewhere on a question you are comfortable with.
What does this mean? This means that you won’t ever grow. If you can’t be honest with yourself and your shortcomings, how can you improve and change for the better?
It’s one thing to deceit others but deceiving yourself is one of the biggest wrongdoings you can do to yourself in the path of self-improvement.
A person can only learn when he discovers his problems, which in turn, makes him search for solutions but the first step is realizing the problem. Without that, you are blessed in ignorance.
Lying to others
The larger problem with lying though, isn’t something that only affects you.
For example, smokers believe that smoking is morally fine since it only affects them, not anyone else. Over the years, we know this is not true. Second-hand smoking has serious health consequences as well.
In a similar fashion, lying not only changes your reality, but others as well. It not only stops you from correcting your course but also others.
There’s a reason why artists value a person who is critical of their work because only then can they fix their shortcomings.
It’s also why there's a notion that friends who speak critical of your actions are ones that matter since they care about you, unlike the sweet-tongued friends we come across.
For example, your friend was working in a career he isn’t good at despite months of trial and error. By telling the truth, you not only save his time, energy and mental health but also remove your own guilt in this situation. This problem also ties back to white lies. White lies are considered the moral breed of lies. These types of lies are ‘okay’ since you feel guilty telling the truth because you assume it might affect them to a great degree.
You consider it morally correct since you think they don’t deserve to hear it.
Read that again if you didn’t find it arrogant. In which world do you have the omniscient power to see through all possibilities and conclude that making a white lie is the best option? It’s often not and considerably unpredictable.
A white lie can have the opposite effect, not helping others but harming them by agreeing with their interpretation of reality or the objective truth they have found appealing.
And it doesn’t seem that giving a person false hope is morally better than the truth itself. It’s a question to ask yourself: are you lying because of your cowardice and to numb your own guilt or for the genuine well-being of others?
While we cannot be certain of the ripple effects or the future spillover of lying, what we can be certain of is the consequences by telling the truth.
Trust as a currency
Coming back to the practical world, the erosion of trust is probably the most important problem of lying in our day-to-day lives.
Just because something isn’t measurable doesn’t mean it’s insignificant.
Trust is a soft currency that doesn’t help as much as hard currency such as money does in terms of direct value but when unexpected situations arise, trust is what ends up tipping the scale to your favor.
How do you feel when a friend of yours lies often in front of you to others?
It ends up with a creeping feeling of suspicion and thus, an erosion of trust. If they can lie so easily to others for their personal interests, why won't there come a time they would for you?
It’s only natural and normal as such if you’re thinking they probably lied to you even if they didn’t.
If people trust you, it means that what you say and do hold validity. In a world where physical power and military power is nonexistent in our daily lives, validity of ourselves becomes far more important.
If something is designed well, you can’t spot flaws but a bad design is noticed immediately and pointed out.
Trust is like a good design. Having decent trustability in your community may have no effect but the effects of low trustability is easily realized. People don’t care about you as much and your words and actions hold little to no validity unless you prove it’s true.
Proving and over-explaining yourself becomes a common sight in such a life if you have ever observed.
For example, if a liar tells you that he will show up for the meeting, chances are, you nor anyone else in the room takes him seriously and gets surprised when he actually attends the event.
Mastering truth
While what I said so far might make you think I am a truth absolutist, this is not true. I don’t believe in absolutists generally and so it is with lying.
The problem however, is that lying can be very subjective. A person’s use of it might seem extreme to one yet gentle to others. Of course, basing your morality on others isn’t helpful either. But a general rule of thumb is about outcome. Assume the outcome and decide the measures to be used to achieve it.
Avoid lying in all forms when the stakes are low since lying regularly makes it a habit and even if the decimal chance occurs, the risk is low enough that it doesn’t matter.
When the stakes are high though, things start getting messy. In many circumstances, the truth is the best regardless but what if lying in this instance can save someone’s life?
It’s also crucial to remember that, once you start lying, you need to make subsequent lies to cover your tracks and once you lie enough, you will eventually get caught. It’s a matter of time. The human mind can only do so much.
That’s why the best approach is to maintain an anti-lying approach. Try reducing lying as much as possible.
A good way is to at least not lie from language or even avoid the question to not lie. Of course, you can remain silent too instead of lying but if it’s a binary question, they know the answer.
A smart way is to proactively maintain a logbook noting your progress regarding your lying. Of course, if you still don’t believe that lying is bad, try living a day without lying.